CA Update - Al Zagofsky

Al Zagofsky, publisher
Al’s career includes work as: an engineer, a project manager, a raft guide, a publisher, a journalist, a bodywork/massage practitioner, and an Alexander Technique teacher. He plays guitar and banjo and enjoys songwriting.

A Separation Announcement

In what insiders are calling a "sleep-space schism," longtime couple Al and Adele—married for decades and previously known for nocturnal proximity—have reportedly separated. Not emotionally. Not legally. But spatially.

The culprit? A king-size bed.

Once cozy cohabitants of a modest queen mattress, the duo recently expanded their nighttime real estate, citing mutual concerns about "cover theft" and "cliff-hanging sleep tactics." The move, intended to bring peace to the bedroom, has ironically ushered in a cold war of cuddles.

"We used to sleep like spoons in a drawer," said Al, blinking through a 3 a.m. text exchange with his wife from the opposite end of the bed. "Now I need GPS to locate her."

The shift began shortly after a trip to Mattress Firm, where the couple selected a behemoth of a bed. The new bed, now the dominant force in the room—both physically and emotionally—required not only new sheets, but also a costly headboard upgrade. "It was a full-scale textile and finance operation," Al said. "The Discover Card is still in recovery."

Attempts to bridge the gap have been largely symbolic. Al reportedly attempted a mid-sleep diplomatic mission involving a blanket airlift and a pillow summit, only to retreat in confusion after colliding with a decorative throw.

"The queen felt more than a bit tight," said Adele. "But I didn’t expect to be sleeping on a separate continent."

Despite the distance, communication has persisted—albeit digitally. Text messages like “Night, hon” and “Cold over here, lol” are exchanged nightly, pinging back and forth across the king size median.

The couple is considering nightly summits at the median—approximately somewhere near the wrinkle in the fitted sheet. “There, we may attempt a snuggle accord—I’ll bring the blankets,” Al offered, “if she brings the snuggles.”

~ Al Zagofsky